Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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