ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
