he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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