**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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