Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
