I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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