So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize