Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
