he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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