no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
