highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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