there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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