:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
