the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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