Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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