I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
