Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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