so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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