Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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