Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize