I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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