Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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