just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
