then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
