I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
