Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
