I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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