Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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