boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
