Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Barsexuality is the new black.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
