Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
