Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
