I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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