I showed him my bush... on skype.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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