I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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