And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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