I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
