sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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