I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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