Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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