At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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