I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
