too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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