I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
His hands were made for my vagina.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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