go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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