U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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