you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
