we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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