I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
