he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
