I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
In America we eat man semen.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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