I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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