Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
