he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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