she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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