just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
