You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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