Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
