: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
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Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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