i always forget guys have bellybuttons
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
